Your body is a beautiful manifestation powered by spirit. ~Mike Dolan,

Chapter 45 OMG Somehow, every year I have certain expectations. I am going to do better. I am going to focus on where I am going. Things will be amazing. And every year, specifically the last three, have yelled "plot twist" right in my face. So what do you do, you redirect. April 25th, I turned 45. I am approximately half way through my life, so I suppose a mid life crisis is due. At that time, I had been struggling with anemia for a year. My levels were pretty low. I was managing it (not well) with oral vitamins, iron injections and birth control. It was suggested that I get a hysterectomy. I honestly thought that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard. I really feel (even as I type this) that we should have better ways of correcting health than the old--I don't know what to do, so lets just get rid of it---theory. So I put it off as long as I could. During this time I was offered another job, that I just could not refuse. I was asked to be the athletic trainer for Gillette's professional indoor football team, the Mustangs. Working both jobs, with super low iron, just didn't work. I was able to schedule the hysterectomy for June and would be back to full work duties by the time I needed to be back for fall season at Campbell County High School. The surgery went well. I healed quickly. I hadn't felt that good in a long time! I truely felt amazing. I was on track to get fit and have an amazing year at CCHS. I was so sure this was going to be my year, that I told my boss there was no way I was going to need any leave this year. I was so super wrong. I so totally cannot tell the future. A few weeks after my surgery I found out that I had uterine cancer. The type of cancer affects one in a million women. I was that one in a million. Fortunately, the treatment was a hysterectomy. So while I did everything a bit backwards, I was good to go. I did have to see an oncologist in Rapid City every so often to make sure it didn't spread or come back, but I was still healthy. I still felt great. I still had not ever had a mamogram, so I felt this was the time to start. And down another rabbit hole I go! I went in for the mamogram. There were some unclear/suspicious spots on the mamogram, so I went to ultrasound. Again the same thing. Apparently I have dence tissue and so they cannot see or make sence of much. I was referred to biopsy. The hospital in Gillette only has the ability to do two biopsies at one time. I needed four and to be honest, I think the doc would have done more! So I drove myself to Sheridan, had four biopsies and 20 samples removed, drove the hour and fourty five minutes back and went to work for the rest of the day. I would later find out that every sample came back as cancer. I was told to find a surgeon. Gillette does have good doctors, even though I am aware that everyone has a problem with someone. However, Gillette does not have a breast surgeon. I needed to decide where to go. All of my options were out of state, Montana, Colorado were the ones recomended. I have spent so much time in out of state hospitals, that I just was not interested in the same experiences I previously had. So I chose Mayo Clinic. I just felt I would have so much more freedom there, with knowing the people, family, friends etc. Mayo took my case, but was full, so it still took a bit of time to get a plan. Mayo actually suggested that I go to Denver so that I could get seen quickly. I was so frustrated! Not being able to get in when I wanted. Not being able to get a plan. I felt like I had been trying to work towards being healthy. I felt great, but felt like everyone was telling me that I should not be feeling great. Talk about a buzzkill! But like I said, I chose Mayo for a reason and knowing people that know people is helpful. So thankful for my sister in law! I was diagnosed with stage three invasive carsinoma. I spent nearly three weeks during the month of September in Minnesota getting tested and eventually getting a plan.

Hope and faith flower from the cheerful seeds of the old year to the sprouting garden of the new year's dawn. ~Terri Guillemets, "Annuals," 2004

We have started the first full week of the new year. Are you ready? Are any of us ready for what 2021 has to bring our way? I am hoping you were able to celebrate Romjul. It is a time between Christmas and new years celebrated by Scandinavians. It is a time of relaxation. A time to hang out in your P.J.s, hang out with those you love and eat all those holiday leftovers (extra ham, lefse and rosettes). This time is great for meditation to give your mind and body rest. I personally call this my restart button. While I truely need Romjul at the end of the year, I also do my own mini version of this once a week. This past year we may have needed all the Romjul we could get! Worldly natural disasters, a pandemic, too much T.V. watching, murder hornets, meth gators, UFO's, riots, looting, zoom meetings, mask wearing, kerfews, lockdowns, a poorly run election. UFFDA!! At this point, so many just want to push the pause button on life. Unfortunately, life does not have a pause button. People still have bills to pay, jobs to do, food to grow, health to nurish, people to help. Amazingly enough this pours out in a wide variety based on each individual's needs, values, what they have to give and their ability. Because it looks different for everyone and not the same, it has caused the ugly to show, which greatly surprised me. I do not know one person (yet) that has passed of Covid19. However, 2019 I attended 3 funerals. My friends and family have lost spouses, parents and those closest to them. They still need cancer treatments, emergency surgery and to deliver their babies in a safe environment. But the stress of this year has led fewer people to be available ( or sometimes just lack of common sence) and more people to retreat away from society. It makes me truely sad. As we are all grieving an ending, we also celebrate each new beggining. Every end is the beggining of something new. 2020 I grieved deeply for every ending. Not coming home to all three of my children, to not camping with CJ, not 4 wheeling with CJ, not going on roadtrips with CJ. I miss his laughter and his crazy jokes that only he got. I miss not buying birthday and christmas presents but buying orchids and mailing out donations to those who need more than us. I grieve those early morning walks with CJ so we could let the rest of the family sleep just a bit longer. And sometimes bringing back donuts. I yearn for those long nightly snuggles. So now I look towards new begginings. A new 2021. I read that Nostradomis predicted 2021 will be worse than 2020. However, 2020 was not my worst year. We were blessed. So as I look towards 2021 I plan to listen to the news less. I plan to help my neighbor and focus on what I can contribute to my community. I will embrace my family and all their up comming milestones. We are not promised extra time, extra days and life does not have a pause button. 2021 is a good time to embrace all that is truely important.

The longest walk home that any parent will ever take is the one after their child has "run" ahead of them

The Willow Tree I was recently contacted about planting a tree for CJ at Hillcrest Elementary School. I was again extremely touched by what this community continues to do for us. Again I have no words. So I asked my family what trees they thought might be appropriate. I thought of many trees. Maybe a traditional Wyoming pine, as they engage all the senses. Maybe an apple tree. I did suggest a crabapple tree for their beauty. I do not eat crabapples, but I do love their blossoms in the Spring. Ike, right away, suggested a redwood tree, big and strong. He felt we needed something unique to Wyoming. You really don't see redwoods here in Wyoming! Zoey wanted, of course, a lemon tree. Also unique choice. It was a wonderful conversation that took place with happy thoughts. My husband suggested the weeping willow. I am not a great person with symbolism. I often miss it. But this is why I feel it may be an appropriate choice~~ not just because it is weeping with us. Jesus clung to the branches of a willow tree to rise up as he carried his cross to Golgotha. This has associated it with pain and tears. But from the willow also comes asprin for its fever reducing qualities. It is associated with water. So was CJ. Well he preferred milk, but you get the point. It is a very powerful symbol of survival because it has the ability to survive in even the most challenging of situations. The willow tree has great adapability to any situation. Other trees cannot endure the pressures that a willow can, they break and snap. The willow tree does not easily break. In the event that it does, the branches grow back again giving the tree a crooked and scarred look which actually contributes to its overall magnificent. CJ had so many scars and yet was beautiful. CJ was always adapable. He may have preferred things is way, but he was great with change (usually less anxious than I was). He loved the wind blowing across his face and would put his hand up in the air to feel it with a giant smile on his face. The willow might be weeping. I might be weeping. But CJ is strong, adaptable, beautiful and teaching me how to regrow after the storm. It sucks. Its painful, but if a willow can do it and he can do it, so can I.

...as healing as a mommy kiss... ~Terri Guillemets

UFFDA! I am looking at this blog (as I really have not in quite some time) and I am looking at the title Soost Family Adventures. I wonder, have we actually been on any adventures lately? Why, yes we have!! We seem to be traveling often these days. Right after Christmas Zoey played hockey in Denver with Team Wyoming. She played great, but the overall score unfortunately, did not reflect that. We were able to travel to Denver as a whole family, which was great. As a Christmas treat we were able to take Ike and Zoey to their first NHL game, the Avalanch VS Wild. The Wild won of course! I was surprised to see the large amount of Minnesota fans there and they brought their Minnesota nice with them. They would come up to us as though they new us and start striking up random conversation. It was great! Next up on our list of travels was Mankato MN. My youngest brother got married and is expanding his family. It was a quick trip. We did not have much time we could take off from work, but we wanted to be there to celebrate with them both. The winter wedding was gorgeous. I got to spend some much needed time with my brothers, their significant others and Chris & Zoey even got to sneak in a basketball game coached by my sister in law and two of our nieces played. Then back on the road we went. Ike did not make the trip to MN this time. He found himself a job, flipping burgers at McDonald's. So proud of that kid, even if he purposely does not do things "My Way". More adventures await as we have more traveling for hockey, church, snowboarding and whatnot.

Your wings were ready, but my heart was not.

I don’t post on here as much as I should anymore. However, I noticed that the last post was from last spring after we went to a couple of funerals. This year has experienced much heartache and loss. It’s strange, I knew this year was going to bring about a LOT of change. I just didn’t didn’t realize the entire scope of it. My job was at a turning point. I didn’t know which way it would go as I had several options I wanted to pursue. We were working at a much quicker pace on the house. We still had a few setbacks, but we got new windows installed, added a small wall, taped, textured, painted the entire basement and got new carpet. Both boys got new beds. Positive change was being made. I took a job as head athletic trainer for Campbell County High School, which I felt was a great fit for me and I was (and am still) super excited about! CJ came to work with me on several occasions, just as Ike and Zoey did when they were younger. It made CJ feel big and added some excitement to the day to hang out with the high school kids. As the year comes to a close and I reflect on the year, the changes made were not the ones I anticipated. They were not happy or positive changes. I now have too much time on my hands with out any direction. When most children leave the nest it is an expected one, that can come with planning and expectations. I didn’t get that. So now my house is much cleaner, I can make hair appointments, get manicures and I have way too much time to think about “What now?”.

Sometimes, even after someone dies, you want to send them a postcard.

I have not blogged in such a long time! I have decided to try it again and see how it goes. I can tell you, that this past month of May has been a bit overwhelming and completely busy. We are getting around to finishing the basement. Before and after pics will be posted when the final touches are done. We added a wall, fixed some dry wall, took out the popcorn ceiling and retextured since it had been painted over too many times. The first week of May the Rec Center was closed for cleaning. So I took that time to get the laundry room, spare space and family room painted. It is coming along. Chris's Grandma Bessie passed away in Minnesota. The kids missed a few days of school. We drove to MN for the burrial. It was good to see family, but Chris and I no longer have any grandmothers. And grandmas are the best! We miss her. When we arrived home from our MN trip, I was told it would be my Grandpa's turn to go next. I was very much not ready, no one ever is. He passed 4 days after his 95th birthday. He is definately one of the best people I have ever known. He inspiried me in so many ways, and to hear how he inspired others as well was breath taking. I let the school know that my kids would be leaving again. This trip actually let them out for the summer nearly a week early. Isaac just finished 10th grade and will be a Junior next year. Zoey just finished 8th grade and junior high. She will join Isaac at Thunder Basin High School as a Freshman next year. Cole just finsihed Kindergarten at Hillcrest. Let's start this summer vacation with a road trip! We drove seperately because while we had things to take care of in Wyoming, we also didn't want to see how many times the whole family could drive back and fourth either. Grandpa's funeral was Thursday May 23, but we also already had Cole's Mayo appointment scheduled for Friday May 31. We were also already planning to celebrate our nieces grad parties. Chris and Isaac were the lucky ones to go back and forth. Zoey, Cole and I stayed in MN. It was a busy time for everyone, with end of school and graduations and whatnot. But we had a great trip. Cole's Mayo appointments were wonderful. Obviously, he does not like getting his labs and we always have some difficulty. But the labs came back great. He has been staying healthy and doing very well. Congrats to my nieces Autumn & Alli! They have just hit a major milestone, graduated high school and are joining the adult world. Very proud of both of them. Thank you to everyone for letting us to stay with you, for feeding us, for hugs and for all your prayers. After being gone for nearly a month, its my turn to join the adult world and get back to life and reorganizing for the summer.

Giant Overview!

So I am not great at keeping up with this blog! Sorry:( We finally made it to Cole's Mayo appointments in January. We made it family trip this time. He had x-rays of his hand and knee and blood work. Things did not go as we had hoped. With Optic Nerve Hypoplasia things can change at any time. While most kids have reduced hormone function, CJ's at this time was off the charts. His x-ray showed that of a four or five year old. We were unable to have an MRI while we were in MN, so we went back to Gillette and had our MRI done here. Because this was unusual (but not weird or unheard of), he wanted to double check and make sure that CJ did not have any tumors or strange brain growths contributing to his high hormone levels. The MRI came back fabulous and we got him on some new super expensive medicine. June was a pretty big month for us. We got to have some family over. It was a short stay, but we did grill, have a fire, play some games, glow sticks, hang out and camp in the living room! Best spot in the house, right Amy:) Half the crew stopped in again on their way back to Minnesota after visiting Yellowstone. However, most of us were in Minnesota. My nephew graduated high school and we (me, Ike, Zoey & CJ) went back for the party. While we were back we did two full days at Mayo for CJ. He had an EEG, fasting blood work, x-rays, OT eval and appointments with neurology and endocrinology. This time went much better. He is still (and probably always will be) at high risk for seizure. However, the one episode he had has been resolved with his shunt, so the neurologist agreed to take him off of his seizure medicine. Its a powerful drug so we are slowly weening him off. Not much more to go! We went over his MRI and it was beautiful:) He is still improving after having the shunt put in. The enlarged ventricles are still shrinking to normal size and the brain is growing properly. His blood work all came back normal, which is amazingly super. So while that news seems small when you write it, it means nothing new has arisen and the medicine we have him on is working! So we partied the rest of the weekend with Kyle. (Even though we accidentally missed county shoot). When we got back from Minnesota the kids got ready for 4-H camp. Isaac and Zoey both went this time. They have such a blast canoeing, shooting, crafts, dance, counselor pranks, creating t-shirts and campfires. When they got back from that it was laundry time as we got ready for another trip to MN!!