Your body is a beautiful manifestation powered by spirit. ~Mike Dolan,

Chapter 45 OMG Somehow, every year I have certain expectations. I am going to do better. I am going to focus on where I am going. Things will be amazing. And every year, specifically the last three, have yelled "plot twist" right in my face. So what do you do, you redirect. April 25th, I turned 45. I am approximately half way through my life, so I suppose a mid life crisis is due. At that time, I had been struggling with anemia for a year. My levels were pretty low. I was managing it (not well) with oral vitamins, iron injections and birth control. It was suggested that I get a hysterectomy. I honestly thought that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard. I really feel (even as I type this) that we should have better ways of correcting health than the old--I don't know what to do, so lets just get rid of it---theory. So I put it off as long as I could. During this time I was offered another job, that I just could not refuse. I was asked to be the athletic trainer for Gillette's professional indoor football team, the Mustangs. Working both jobs, with super low iron, just didn't work. I was able to schedule the hysterectomy for June and would be back to full work duties by the time I needed to be back for fall season at Campbell County High School. The surgery went well. I healed quickly. I hadn't felt that good in a long time! I truely felt amazing. I was on track to get fit and have an amazing year at CCHS. I was so sure this was going to be my year, that I told my boss there was no way I was going to need any leave this year. I was so super wrong. I so totally cannot tell the future. A few weeks after my surgery I found out that I had uterine cancer. The type of cancer affects one in a million women. I was that one in a million. Fortunately, the treatment was a hysterectomy. So while I did everything a bit backwards, I was good to go. I did have to see an oncologist in Rapid City every so often to make sure it didn't spread or come back, but I was still healthy. I still felt great. I still had not ever had a mamogram, so I felt this was the time to start. And down another rabbit hole I go! I went in for the mamogram. There were some unclear/suspicious spots on the mamogram, so I went to ultrasound. Again the same thing. Apparently I have dence tissue and so they cannot see or make sence of much. I was referred to biopsy. The hospital in Gillette only has the ability to do two biopsies at one time. I needed four and to be honest, I think the doc would have done more! So I drove myself to Sheridan, had four biopsies and 20 samples removed, drove the hour and fourty five minutes back and went to work for the rest of the day. I would later find out that every sample came back as cancer. I was told to find a surgeon. Gillette does have good doctors, even though I am aware that everyone has a problem with someone. However, Gillette does not have a breast surgeon. I needed to decide where to go. All of my options were out of state, Montana, Colorado were the ones recomended. I have spent so much time in out of state hospitals, that I just was not interested in the same experiences I previously had. So I chose Mayo Clinic. I just felt I would have so much more freedom there, with knowing the people, family, friends etc. Mayo took my case, but was full, so it still took a bit of time to get a plan. Mayo actually suggested that I go to Denver so that I could get seen quickly. I was so frustrated! Not being able to get in when I wanted. Not being able to get a plan. I felt like I had been trying to work towards being healthy. I felt great, but felt like everyone was telling me that I should not be feeling great. Talk about a buzzkill! But like I said, I chose Mayo for a reason and knowing people that know people is helpful. So thankful for my sister in law! I was diagnosed with stage three invasive carsinoma. I spent nearly three weeks during the month of September in Minnesota getting tested and eventually getting a plan.

Hope and faith flower from the cheerful seeds of the old year to the sprouting garden of the new year's dawn. ~Terri Guillemets, "Annuals," 2004

We have started the first full week of the new year. Are you ready? Are any of us ready for what 2021 has to bring our way? I am hoping you were able to celebrate Romjul. It is a time between Christmas and new years celebrated by Scandinavians. It is a time of relaxation. A time to hang out in your P.J.s, hang out with those you love and eat all those holiday leftovers (extra ham, lefse and rosettes). This time is great for meditation to give your mind and body rest. I personally call this my restart button. While I truely need Romjul at the end of the year, I also do my own mini version of this once a week. This past year we may have needed all the Romjul we could get! Worldly natural disasters, a pandemic, too much T.V. watching, murder hornets, meth gators, UFO's, riots, looting, zoom meetings, mask wearing, kerfews, lockdowns, a poorly run election. UFFDA!! At this point, so many just want to push the pause button on life. Unfortunately, life does not have a pause button. People still have bills to pay, jobs to do, food to grow, health to nurish, people to help. Amazingly enough this pours out in a wide variety based on each individual's needs, values, what they have to give and their ability. Because it looks different for everyone and not the same, it has caused the ugly to show, which greatly surprised me. I do not know one person (yet) that has passed of Covid19. However, 2019 I attended 3 funerals. My friends and family have lost spouses, parents and those closest to them. They still need cancer treatments, emergency surgery and to deliver their babies in a safe environment. But the stress of this year has led fewer people to be available ( or sometimes just lack of common sence) and more people to retreat away from society. It makes me truely sad. As we are all grieving an ending, we also celebrate each new beggining. Every end is the beggining of something new. 2020 I grieved deeply for every ending. Not coming home to all three of my children, to not camping with CJ, not 4 wheeling with CJ, not going on roadtrips with CJ. I miss his laughter and his crazy jokes that only he got. I miss not buying birthday and christmas presents but buying orchids and mailing out donations to those who need more than us. I grieve those early morning walks with CJ so we could let the rest of the family sleep just a bit longer. And sometimes bringing back donuts. I yearn for those long nightly snuggles. So now I look towards new begginings. A new 2021. I read that Nostradomis predicted 2021 will be worse than 2020. However, 2020 was not my worst year. We were blessed. So as I look towards 2021 I plan to listen to the news less. I plan to help my neighbor and focus on what I can contribute to my community. I will embrace my family and all their up comming milestones. We are not promised extra time, extra days and life does not have a pause button. 2021 is a good time to embrace all that is truely important.